Compare/Contrast Essay *NEW AND IMPROVED*

            The family, friends and community of Jordin Tootoo in “Skating Across the Cultural Gap” and Theresa in “The Kayak” are both supportive and unsupportive towards the realization of these adolescents’ goals against great adversity.

            The community of Jordin Tootoo, the first Inuit to play in the NHL, was initially unsupportive of his hockey dreams, forcing him to hunt caribou, whale and seal before allowing him to enroll in a hockey league. He was fourteen years old before he played on an organized team, an age far older than most other NHLers began playing. When he finally attained status as a player in the NHL, things changed. His friends would watch every game he played, chanting his name as he played for Canada at the world junior championships in Halifax. According to Tootoo’s friend Jackson Lindell, supporters in his hometown of Rankin Inlet held parties “like it was the Super Bowl.” His parents, though they could barely afford it, paid for him to “go to hockey schools in Winnipeg, Alberta and British Columbia.” Despite an initial interference related to cultural priorities, Jordin’s family, friends and community were, for the most part, supportive of his dreams.

            In contrast with the support shown by Jordin Tootoo’s parents, which was helpful in the realization of Jordin’s goals, the parents of Theresa were excessively supportive, in effect hindering Theresa’s acceptance of her disability and abolishing her independence. Even when she felt at her most independent, kayaking in the ocean, her parents would “watch from the shore” to be assured that their child would be safe. Theresa says that “nobody lets [her] grow up” and that her “parents treat [her] like a baby.” When Theresa saves a drowing windsurfer, and feels triumphant that, at last, someone else is the one that needs saving, her parents “run into the water to help” and “take control” away from her. An initial feeling of accomplishment is replaced with a feeling of helplessness. Theresa describes herself as a “beached whale.” Her newfound friend, Jamie (the windsurfer), is supportive of Theresa’s recovery, but, in contrast to her parents, his support actually helps Theresa accept her disability and feel like a regular teenager. She originally saw two images of herself: “the independent woman on water” and “the helpless child on land.” Now, with the help of Jamie’s support, she begins to see herself as a combination of the two.

            There are instances in both stories where the family, friends and community are supportive as well as there are times when they aren’t. But no matter how unsupportive certain elements of Jordin and Theresa’s family, friends and community were, they eventually came out from under those constraints and were supported in their endeavours.

Surprise! essay.

        Candy Flossington, a well known party-goer in the prestigious Hampton scene, was beginning to notice a distinct lack of plumpness in her 25-year-old lips. They had always been so perky, so full of life. What if she lost her position as head drunk chick in lieu of younger, stupider girls? That could never happen, not if Miss Flossington had anything to say about it.

       That very day, Candy rushed over to Dr. Fitzgerald’s plastic surgery office, screaming “Emergency!” at anyone who would listen. She burst into Dr. Fitzgerald’s office, knocking over several awards and degrees on the way in. She hurriedly informed him of her situation, and his diagnosis was as follows:

       “Now, Candy, you’ve probably come for a few shots of collagen.” Candy nodded apprehensively. “While collagen is a good way to plump up you’re aging lips, I’ve developed a new, more natural looking, way of doing the same thing. We are going to extract some fat cells from your buttox and implant them in you’re lips. Now, how does that sound?”

       ”Whatever you say, doc. Anything to enhance my already stunning appearance is A-OK with me!”

       After the quick operation, Candy went off to a few parties, emphasizing her larger lips with exaggerated pouts.

       “Ooh, Candy,” ooed Enrique Consualez, “you’re lips are to die for. I mean, I’d die for them.”

       “Well, duh. I payed $500 for these puppies; they better look damn good!”

       “What is that?” asked Enrique, pointing at Candy’s newly enlarged pair of lips. “Is that a hair?”

       “What?” Candy replied. “Oh. My. God. That bastard.” And with that Candy hopped on her Special Edition Segway and motored on over to Dr. Fitzgerald’s office.

       “What the $%#* were you thinking! Putting you’re own lard in MY LIPS! What are you, some kinda sicko!?”

       “I just thought that if part of me were in someone as beautiful as yourself, well, that part of me would be beautiful, too,” explained the doctor.

       “Oh, that’s so sweet,” Candy said softly. “Unfortunately, you’ve screwed over one too many rich b*tches.” Candy pulled out her pocket-sized pistol. “Prepare to d…ance with the stars!”

       At this, Mario Lopez burst through an open window and exclaimed, “Hola, mi amigos!”

       “Noooooo!!!” screamed Dr. Fitzgerald. “Not another D-list celebrity! I can’t take it anymore! Candy, hand me that gun.”

       “With pleasure.”

       Dr. Fitzgerald held the gun to his head, quivering in his high tops. He grasped the trigger and pulled. Litres of blood splattered the entire room as curious onlookers gasped.

       “I hope the janitor brought extra club soda!” joked Mario.

       The crowd laughed whole heartedly as Mario said, “No, seriously, those stains ain’t neva gonna come out.”

Sonnet Fun

Day at the Circus

by Alan Bigelow and Kellie Hogan 

What a day when papa Joe tears my heart

A band-aid in the form of circus fun

Un jeune homme dit: “Je la vois sur la carte!”

Hoping clowns will replace his father’s gun 

The ring master bows, lifting his hat high

Royal Bengels soaring through  flaming hoops

Bring smile to my lips and tear to my eye

Silly clown slips on banana peel: oops!

Father looks at me, concern on his face

Asks if monkeys in tutus make me laugh

My sadness is gone, a smile in its place

“You beat me too much”, I pull out a graph

Elephant’s turbulent strut , so to speak,

Shakes a single shining tear from my cheek

Comparison/Contrast Essay (ready for marking)

        The portrayals of men versus women in popular culture is vastly different. Something considered socially acceptable for one gender may be deemed sexist for the other. Though many areas demonstrate this, two exemplify this contrast best: news shows and television sitcoms.

        When watching a news program, you begin to notice more than subtle differences between the male and female anchors. The male broadcasters are portrayed as well-spoken, intelligent, and experienced. Apparently, being fit, handsome and young were not requirements of their position. While speaking intelligently, a monotonous drone often accompanies their well thought out phrases. Conversely, females are almost always young, attractive and thin. They speak charismatically, but are often shunned when the topic switches to Friday night football. Their topics usually include community goings-on and home issues, while the males speak of hard hitting news, of Afghanistan and political conspiracies. It appears that viewers prefer to look at and admire the female’s beauty, while the male’s experience and intelligence are valued more than his attractiveness.

       Sitcoms portray men and women in a similar way to that of news shows, while differing in some aspects as well. Male viewers like to relate to the main character, while females prefer to idolize the feminine ideal. An example that best demonstrates this is The King of Queens, where, in my opinion, the main character, Doug Heffernan, is a fat slob, whose obnoxious personality irks me to no end. He is the average Joe: he has a dead-end job and is a complete ignoramous. This, apparently, is a recurring trend in most male sitcom actors, showing its stereotypical face in hit comedies like Family Guy, The Simpsons and Corner Gas. Doug’s wife, Carrie, is obnoxious as well (her nasally voice is immensely irritating); however, her appearance is much less hard on the eyes, and she is quite a bit more level headed than her male counterpart. In a way, her beauty and common sense balance out Doug’s stupidity and unattractiveness.

       There is, and always will be, pressure on males and females to act a certain way and fit certain stereotypes. Regrettably, these stereotypes are reinforced by popular culture, as displayed by news casts and TV sitcoms, thus aggravating artificial gender differences.  If we truly want to form a stronger and less cliched society, we must strive to break these social barriers.

Confessions of a Backup Dancer

        Tucker Shaw’s Confessions of a Backup Dancer is the diary of Kelly Kimball, an aspiring dancer who is offered a job dancing for the current queen of pop, Darcy Barnes. Eileen Wang, the overly eccentric manager for the It’s Darcy! tour, calls Kelly early on, offering her this summer job, which pays over $40,000! Being from a troubled family with monetary issues, Kelly gratefully accepts the gig. When Kelly reaches the dance studio, she realizes that everyone has given up their real names for eclectic pseudonyms. It seems that, while a hot trend nowadays is “REALNESS”, keeping your real name is not. She assumes the nickname “K.K.” and begins to learn intricate dance routines. She quickly learns that what people say about how backup dancers are super tight is completely untrue. The other dancers “straight up ignored me”, Kelly writes. Darla, Darcy’s over-bearing mom-ager, develops an immediate dislike for Kelly, telling her that a low-carb Powerbar would be more appropriate for her “fitness level”. That’s right, this size 0 should apparently add being “fat” to her list of problems. Kelly had expected Darcy to be diva-like and adorned with various hangers-on. She soon learns that Darcy’s outward physical appearance doesn’t replicate her personality. She seems like a child in a 17-year-old’s starved, bleach-blond body. That soon changes when she goes on a joy ride and smokes some pot. Kelly now learns that Darcy has multiple personalities and, by the end of her diary, she writes about at least five. Kelly’s brother, Evan, recently got out of Juvenile Hall and is having trouble adjusting to regular life. Kelly takes him under her wing and saves some of her earnings for Evan’s tuition at an exclusive, outdoor-oriented private school. At an after party in New York City, Darcy gets hammered after downing 4 Slippery Nipples. Kelly carries her to the hotel, where Darcy falls on the floor, curls up into the fetal position and vomits. The next day, Darla blames Kelly for the entire incident, citing how Kelly “let” this happen. Kelly is fired and flies back to her hometown of San Diego. Soon after, she is offered a job dancing for Pashmina, Darcy’s arch rival in the pop queen arena. At a huge summer blow-out concert in New York, Pashmina and Darcy are both slated to perform. The problem is that neither diva will give up performing first. Darcy agrees to let Pashmina perform first, as long as she can “have K.K.”. Darcy and Kelly sing a duet that they had earlier written, much to the dismay and intense anger of Darla. Kelly’s estranged mother comes to see her after the show, hugging her and telling her how beautiful she looks. They all return to San Diego to work things out and, as Kelly says, “[they]‘ve got a lot to do”.

        I must, grudgingly, reveal that I enjoyed reading this book. Despite the lack of depth and proper writing structure, I did like reading about what “pop divas are like AFTER the cameras stop rolling!” I know, the write up on the back was really cheesy, but it seems that I will have to add this to my long list of guilty pleasures. Nevertheless, I felt that I could relate to Kelly in a number of ways. I am an EXTREMELY good dancer, if I say so myself, and have pictured myself making it big in Hollywood many a time. It is in this way that I also differ from Kelly. She seemed reluctant at first to accept her newfound fame, where I would NEVER hesitate to become some flavour of the week. Does that make me shallow? Anyways, Kelly’s reluctance portrays her down-to-earth and “real” personality.

        The author, Tucker Shaw, is a relatively unknown writer. Despite hermit-like anonymity, Shaw is able to depict Kelly’s rawness as a writer, spelling mistakes and all. At the beginning of every chapter, Kelly would write four things in bold: her outfit, hair, mood, and fortune. Her hair would usually be the most ridiculed, mostly for the intense damage due to numerous colourings. Verbal irony is found in the sexual innuendos involving Darcy and her assorted flings. There is a sense of conflict between Darcy and herself. She really wants to be a dancer and be noticed but, at the same time, she’s hesitant to leave everything she has ever known behind.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

        The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon recounts the tale of Christopher Boone, an autistic 15-year-old who discovers Mrs. Shears’s dog, Wellington, lying lifelessly with a pitchfork embedded in its stomach. Being an aspiring detective and advocate for the punishment of wrongful deeds, Christopher embarks on a search for the murderer. Unfortunately, his search is cut short when he punches a police officer and lands in jail, hereby demonstrating his lack of social awareness. His single father asks the police officer to give Christopher some slack and he is released, free to continue with the investigation. He decides to write a book detailing his findings, naming it The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. Through some careful detective work, Christopher later finds some hidden letters written to him from his mother. He realises that what his father had earlier said (that his mother had died of a heart attack) was entirely untrue. Confronted with so much information and stimuli, he curls up in a ball on his bed, vomits, and groans for several hours until his father comes home. His father, Ed, confesses that he covered up the fact that Christopher’s mother had moved to London with Mr. Shears, a man with whom she had had an affair. He also admits to killing Wellington when in a fight with Mrs. Shears. Christopher is shocked and no longer feels safe with his father. Consequently, he sneaks out of the house at night and, through a long and confusing journey, finds himself at his mother’s doorstep in London. His mother is overjoyed to see him and takes off work for a few days to spend some time with her son. Unfortunately, Mr. Shears does not welcome Christopher in the same way and, over a conflict involving the newfound family member, his mother moves back to Swindon with Christopher, living in a rented apartment. His mother agrees to let Ed spend some daily time with Christopher. Christopher is still very terrified of his father at this point, and refuses to talk to him. To somehow make up for his behaviour, Ed buys Christopher a Golden Retriever, and tells Christopher that he wants to rebuild his trust slowly, “no matter how long it takes.”

       I really enjoyed reading this book for a number of reasons. Firstly, I could relate to the main character because I, too, think in patterns and have a mathematical brain. For example, I find it hard not to walk in steps not divisible by four. I also like symmetry, and don’t like when things aren’t equal. I also liked reading this book because I could never predict what the outcome would be. The greatest surprise would have to be when Christopher discovered that his mother was, in fact, alive. I was even more surprised when Christopher calmly thought about what to do. He seemed emotionless, not appearing either happy nor betrayed.

        The author, Mark Haddon, succeeded very well in using various literary techniques to portray the characteristics of someone with Asperger syndrome. The first thing that I noticed was that the chapters were prime numbers. Scattered throughout the book are various math and logic puzzles. These two characteristics exemplify Christopher’s extremely mathematical brain, which may, in fact, be heightened due to the fact that he is autistic. Another technique used was the interchanging between a chapter of plot development and a chapter of seemingly irrelevant info on Christopher’s inner life. One moment the reader would be learning about who killed Wellington, and the next Christopher would be explaining why there is no God. Also, whenever Christopher would describe his surroundings, he would consistently use run-on sentences, which would normally be long lists of things that he was observing. And finally, when Christopher tries to save his pet rat, Toby, on the tracks of the London underground, he doesn’t understand how close he came to dying. This is an example of dramatic irony, where the reader, in this case, knew that he was almost killed, and would have been if a stranger hadn’t pulled him off the tracks. At this, Christopher was confronted with two things that he detested:

1. Being touched

2. Strangers 

My *NEWER!* Metaphor

        My father is a rugged cave located deep in a South American rainforest. It is a long and grueling journey through piercing thorns and harsh downpours to reach this cave. It may take months, even years, to reach it. The cave’s exterior is rigid and stern, casting dark shadows that petrify even the most brave of souls. Many wouldn’t consider entering this seemingly dreary cavern. However steriotypically cold the outside may seem, it is from the interior that one can fully appreciate the cave’s warmth and shelter from the elements. A tranquil river ligned with lilies and other assorted flowers leads into the cave where warm, comforting features are in abundance. Lush textures and expressive colours make this otherwise dark and dreary cave appear bright and attractive. The rich greens, solemn yellows, and harsh reds give the cozy space a deep contrast and intriguing personality. Once inside for a few moments, one truly feels safe and secure.

‘Sup, world.

I’m gonna see the world and the world is gonna see me! You make me feel trapped in this tiny town of ours, but daddy, I’m bustin’ out!